I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
