But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
