That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
