How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
