two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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