i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
