It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
