Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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