She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
