My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
