I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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