haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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