i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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