Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
