That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
