she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
