you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
