I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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