you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
