sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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