i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
