sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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