Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
