new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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