No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
