he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize