I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
