Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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