omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize