Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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