So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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