he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
