Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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