im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
