my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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