I met the friendliest cop last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His hands were made for my vagina.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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