That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
