At least make sure they are 18
Why
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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