Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
