so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So much rum. So many feels.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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