He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
