you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
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