I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
