the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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