He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
