I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
