you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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