I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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