Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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