I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
