remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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