my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
that is very illegal...i love you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
