walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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