I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
