He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
did i just pee glitter
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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