I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize