Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
