he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
