What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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