WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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