I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
