I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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