So drunk its hurt
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize