she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
