Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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