I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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