omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
