I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
