You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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