He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
