honey bunches of taint.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
