First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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