i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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